My Search for Something

Till I feel a little familia to this, I refrain accepting that it’s been a hell of a ride back and forth home. Closer to this broken heart is now a world I stand against; a place where dwelling on your own is a mistake less forgiven.

Something contradicts my past. That single moment itching me as to why things happen. Catching on the laughter and joy of nostalgia is the sole thing my mind does to stay cool. While the music is off, I sing and dance like I don’t see the chaos around. It’s to make sure I be myself at all times. My heart got trenched by the breeze of the shrewd new world and so solemnly I be the leader of it following the suit.

I beat my throbs with blood of failure, if all that I know is true in it’s form. Choice is a meagre idea of living. I want too much to be acceptable. I wish beyond what I can fulfil. I question as to why I was happy from the sham that the world had offered me. Atleast I succeeded even if everything was wrong! Now, I stand where the fair is over and it’s going to rain fire.

Something is unfair. Sometimes that was supposed to bring prosperity and satisfaction is nowhere in scene. Is it my idea of escaping the world? Or not accepting the destiny I’m supposed to follow? Or my want to sleep over luxury of the story that I fantasize? What’s that something exactly? A place, a person, an event, or just an idea? My exploration is closer to my find, I cannot but feel the tunnel approaching it’s end. It shouldn’t be as wasteful as I think it could be an idea so progressive that I surpass myself as as better human. It shouldn’t fill me with anxiety and repression. It should make me talk intrapersonally like infinitely. It’s failure to reach the ends of the road and it’s need to quench the thirst of motives of the day, I shouldn’t rely on hopes.

I’m happy. The search is on. It shall close. Now or never.

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You Don’t See!

Whilst staring at a young lad uttering some words in his mouth, I could make he’s in a lip sync with some sort of derogatory music. Cute he may be, little of it he may understand out of the words, but a dismal truth had hit me hard; I don’t see what I ought to see, life.

In the chaos of things, we hardly get time to introspect. Occasionally, we ask for our review from the people around. I may have read a couple of effective books, but I don’t sway away from feeling the inertia that the break of life gives. It’s hard to realise the failure after continued efforts of doing what was obvious. With the play of words, I try to relate today’s quest with every day that comes and with anyone willing to lead, experiences. The paucity of ideas shallows down my upright approach. I still drive while I see the details a little less. The danger of losing out eventually takes greater shape.

I love these moments!

When it’s the lights out time, dimming the pace of the day and seeing the breath drowning into an unknown world, I infer each and every word of mine said and listened to as a gift of knowledge. I see my grin lightening up the dingy stage of life. I even listen the littered unheard words of the people wandering across the night sky looking for listeners! I deeply regret for the wrong that I do but nevertheless, it hits the chords right.

If time would have every answer to every confusion that exists, I feel undesirably arrogant in knowing one. It hurts when trees speak when you dare seek silence in the forests. I wonder what this air have for me, does that make me an avid interrogator? I don’t think so. But I feel as to why those souls have every unrespectable answers on their tips. They see my silent but they don’t see me wobbling which I admit I do. If every awkward answer in an awkward situation needs an awkward answer for an awkward people, I’m not up for the job. The best is always left unsaid.

I surrender to the veils that people wear. I say to myself I don’t see anything. I don’t wish to

The Breakdown of the Presence

On the very first day of this year, I saw myself losing to spilling milk on the shelf by the virtue of excessive ignition on the stove. I went ignorant for a second to witness the new blueness of the year on the sky. I was wrong. I should have been careful…
As the world have shifted places, numerous words being put into our head, with newer views bracing our eyes and all those days and months we have spent in exploring the unexplored, I seem to believe more in maturity that is skipping out sight every awhile. With crook words and unforgivable incidents shaping our today’s self, I’m getting paranoid as to where are we heading to, and before I sleep, I want to make sure, as I write, that I get to what I wanted to, not what the world wishes me to or where they find me mingling up with them. Basically, in easy description, it could be like ‘ Finding out the real you’. I find that really cliche to write..
So, breaking soon the presence is what put to strike everyone’s right chord. It’s like correcting the basic grammar of the lyrics of life. It could be baseless, of course, pointing the poetry at it’s authenticity to prove what’s it trying to depict. See, no one likes playing goofs with time. It asks for clarity, but I’m sorry I can’t be clear enough.
I am the present you see, and I’m struck at nothing. I see a wide horizon through the window of my room shaping up my today. Even, a blatant kick at my back does the same job with greater efficiency. I walk through the roads that ferries me to my place daily. My car gets the job done for me with a push of my feet, even faster. I often ask people of my adequacy with them. The answer approximately comes positive. Few discussions with my notebook bring me same reply and even with more “true that” factor.
The memories that I have with me today is worthless if it doesn’t corrects me to what I do to fix my today. I fail my purpose if I don’t suggest my surrounding to be better. Silence could be fatal if I choose it to be my guest at all timesIf such words of mine are out in public, it shall be an outage as to what it really means. It shall be failure again if it fails to be understood. All in all, its a failed situation I’m into. Standing on the tip of the mountain I see and feel nothing but my breath getting high as there’s no one around. By the way it’s not the mountain I was supposed to be on. The Stars, they say, don’t light up the nights here!
I witness too much of “I’ness”, that’s once lost. Hesitance in acceptance of the truth of missing. That’s fine with me if I don’t skip a beat to the miraculous that’s bound to happen. Failure doesn’t surprises me anymore. I accumulate lots of winning attires on my body as just another thing shaping me my today. Fancy, it’s just another night and blow of emotion pushing me to admit what’s easy on life. Pity if it’s place in seclusion wherein I pledge to confuse life with a fairy tale; the sun doesn’t teach us the lesson of being consistent or we have finally found the concrete reason of as to who made this world and for what purpose!
Here it goes, a random talk on life!

A Beauty on the Side walk

Innocent but yet wild in answers. All the world is yet to praise this little soul hiding her spectacle onto her left. This as it seems isn’t a dream and isn’t yet to hold praise of holding one. All of the darkness have already faded which in the unexpected manaouvers have taken turns to inspire! 

Let’s begin! 

In the world of charms, outside my heart, I still don’t feel the breath seizing out the need of me. Every other day becomes a question with changing meanings. Who does pays heed to needless motivations, after all? In today’s mean world, who wants to remember the information that hurts? 

My adventure with the beauty begins at home. I aspire to inspire my wants to walk up. When the ultimate magic happens, I retreat to good technology that hurts my eyes and ultimately my brain cells. And the war goes on until I push the bed with my back with no more stuttering fingers. What I mean ‘beauty’ here is the usual life; a forgetful life. 

The burning light over the other end of shore plunders every hope of survival unless it doesn’t respond. So, practically it keeps a watch on us but it just keeps on staring. That light is what we need to have an answer to. This calls to find a meaning of another beauty. 

As I reiterate, ” Innocent it is, yet wild in answers”. I see her yawning towards my side in bewilderness, towing her legs a little more titled and face looking for an hideout from the outside world. And I sit calm reading the story with own lenses. Unsaid is the glimpse of the another time ahead, but I hear our words in perfect sync. I don’t answer and she forgets to question that’s what keeps the distance going. While I fail to admit what her guardians are upto? Or what if it’s just a blunder? Am I just playing foul? 

Let’s take the shot. I have no one else to share this word. I knew down and put a constant stare. She suddenly puts her wide eyes shut. It calm as only I hear her hair crawling down in the air for freedom. 

And then, I just stop. And do what I need to do. No bad intentions at all! 

Lantern/You/Me

Well, it’s not about me and you and maybe it’s also not about the world either. This shifting place from my feet and flashing lights on my skin from the nearby window wants an answer as to why you aren’t here where you should have been? You fear places, do you? 

An account of your beauty if you would have watched beyond silly innocence of yours, I should have walked across the earth barefeet only if you would have your bright eyes on me like sun in the mornings and stars in the night! Well, you seem arrogant, so let’s just see distances but without you! 

All those who wait for me fear I shall write beyond my wits if I don’t shy away and yet they won’t scream as you would listen. Mind that all world’s flowers doesn’t smell like your scent, and I don’t kill pleasure with pleasure either. So, will you spend a while on what’s going up in my mind or you’ll just make me go lull without your voice in my soul this night? Of course, you will… 

As I go blank that the ruptures in my bleeding heart is no more a surprise, you have lost the money that you got to spend when happiness asks for barter and in the wee hours of midnight, I won’t come less than a scarecrow to let you scream and jump on me like a bubble in the sky. You see, you won’t be able to touch me either! 

Shall I pause for you or what? Coz’ I’ve some books pending to be composed and some few prizes yet to be nameplated for me. And as I suffer a little for the vacancy that I feel now, atleast I got a cure against the current of you. Well, only if that’s permanent! I wish…

So, I know you won’t ask what’s this is about? A prank on me or just to show how much hurt it is on my side which I want to show or is it another legitimate preposition to approve of my creativity or my last effort to pick things up again, and I know you answer this is not going to work either! The glasses that you’ve on your face are smarter than me, innocent than me, and clearer than me, you piece of dirt! As a matter of fact it’s irrespective of the fact that I won’t ask for another favor which you believe to be the only reason I do anything for the atrocities that you go through. And to every irreparable point, I will say no! Enough free I am to extinguish 🔥 when the room is full of nothing. A moron I am to expect while everything you have given to me is a gift. And I focus on you a little more, I surely say it’s the love I’m talking about which I vehemently admitted to and see, how the smog have stopped hurting my eyes anymore! A mere masterpiece of nature I’m you see, a dirt! 

So, whoosh the lantern on the chair, spreading fire as I bit my lips in surprise, as simply it’s the daylight and it’s consuming unnecessary fuel, as opposed to the darkness that you whooshed away like magic, once. You don’t see the lights that have begun to adore and your eyes are nothing more than another tunnel to feel breathlessness. You see, how easy it was to consume poison uptil now and in the tumbling stand of yours in today’s world, you sleep as if nothing happened and the next morning similar tune sings on your mouth. I’m sorry but I made you my uninvited guests for nothing tonight that you move back and forth and it shivers every nerve in me with the falling scene of life. I’m sorry but I made you the context of this story and I used you for my words that never were inspired from you. That who inspire atleast have a presence on the larger scale. And as I weep as I compose, you seem to be turning off the lights of yours that were once, yes once, indeed once, were heaps of hope perpuating wiseness and gentleness and goodness and truthfulness and breathfulness and every beautifulness…

Such a beautiful you/Me!

Little Unfair

Long long time ago, in the winning world, a dreamer stepped out of the pond filled with happiness spilling the lores on the floor just like that. He had one thing to come out of, and to make the people believe that ‘it’ really exists! 

Smilingly​ he kept on going, the ashes made his feet burn, the sun kept tearing his head down and his heart sinking in the dust. Still he went on, to fill the list of his own; to find another happiness in town. His model of action had no failure, unknowingly he remained stiff against the world. Not doing out of someone’s saying or someone’s order but to fulfil his own self and to never question why did he actually stepped out…
One may say he’s the man, he may find something one day. One may say he’s hard man to get, he’s out of reach.
One may even affront to his mediocrity. 

At least one should have stood in the front on his, asking what’s he upto? One must have been surprised to realise what makes such a commitment go further than life, isn’t it? 

Lots of words in play, and his journey now stands still on the pavement of a known. He doesn’t hesitates to relate affinity in souls. He doesn’t fail to openly confess. Now what he begs on to know the other side of the story, to know what stands behind the door; what makes up curiosity take the breath out. It seems like it may set him free if he realizes. Chemically, the other world shall be answering. 

In the darker walks of life, when he shouts for where he came from, what journey he is on, and now where he paused to. Of the people who play, the lives of themselves as well as the others, what shall put an end to these everlasting strong moron beings? They have adequately learnt to adapt to the situation. 

He leaves a mark on the dying sun in an unfairer dusk playing games to end towards an everlasting tunnel of darkness. It shall be suffocating it seems, he thinks but no wonder if anyone won’t ever ask where did he went. 

What was his story

Seems a little unfair!

At The End of the Day!

Before this beginning, if the pages weren’t blank, I wouldn’t have begun. Empty that that is, a world of wonders, it becomes rather relevant to compose whether it creates meaning or it doesn’t… It just better to keep it filling or it’ll just be a swamp over laziness..

Those few seconds left to lose until the dying day, 

Few memonts to spare ourselves and listen… 

If tonight these words will hit the right chord, 

All of the world will make it’s worth come true. 

This in the morning would anyone have wondered if I would knew this night has to end with failure in hand. And every so, does this day keeps on going like an aeroplane in the sky unknown where to go. Direction is what those in the meters digitally there show, but I don’t know where to go. Still I’m in the air flying on the heights of life. At the verge of shrinking dreams, one seems losing the urge to fly. There’s so land offering sweetness and bitterness is what that follows the flow. And at the end if the day, an empty soul finds an empty mate. 

Listen to this story, as if it isn’t something new but it’s different. Near your ears, listen to the music shuffling the tones one after the another. Shift your feet a little and feel the hollowness beneath the earth. Move your eyes around and witness the slumber. 
So, this be the end of to day and impossibly another one to follow!